Is being a full time stay at home mom more rewarding than being a full time career builder?

It is beyond terrifying for me to even ask myself this question let alone out loud. After a lifetime of supporting all things “women’s rights,” working full-time in a career my entire adult life, I wonder if I made a big mistake. After 11 years of marriage, an unexpected divorce completely upset me. Instead of asking for alimony and child support, I clung to the idea of ​​women’s liberation and the belief that the expectation for me, a well-educated modern woman, was to continue to work full time and put my daughter In a kindergarden.

Without questioning my future path, I jumped in with both feet to tackle the art of single parenting and working full time.

Let’s break this down. The whole women’s liberation movement was taking root. The role of men and women was clearly defined until now. The wife was in charge of the home and the children, while the husband was the breadwinner of the family. The garage was the only part of the house that was ever claimed by the husband. The day started early, with the woman preparing breakfast for the family and dressing the children for school. The husband went to work fully rested, ready to work a full day. The employer benefited from a well-fed, well-rested employee with little on his mind except concentrating on doing his job. The wife’s duties included shopping for groceries at the best price, using all available coupons to save the most money, and cooking simple, nutritious meals for the family.

As long as there are 2 people rowing the boat in the same direction, everything is fine. However, when both roles of husband and wife merge into one person, it is reasonable to conclude that the “double duty” takes its toll on everyone involved. There is literally not enough time to do it all.

Thirty years ago, when I hired an employee, usually a man, his wife would stay home and take care of the house and children. The man worked a full 40-hour workweek. He showed up a mandatory minimum of at least 5 minutes before marking on a time clock. He was expected to be at his workstation ready to work when the bell rang. He was given lunch and breaks to take care of any personal matters as needed. He was expected to stay at his station, working, until the bell rang. If he was late, he was reprimanded and had his paycheck deducted in 15-minute intervals, a message that being late was not okay. This man came home from work 20 minutes after work to find his wife putting dinner on the table. After dinner, the wife cleaned the kitchen while the husband took a shower, relaxed, or watched television. He was not expected to help her wife with the dishes, cleaning the house, taking care of the children, or anything else. He did his job for the day. After cleaning the dishes and the kitchen, the wife would retire to the living room to help the children with unfinished homework when they got home from school shortly after 3:00 p.m. The children go to bed at 8 pm, they get a short story or two from mom, maybe dad, and go to bed to sleep. Husband and wife have until 10 pm to relax and watch TV, and they go to bed early enough to get a full 8 hours of sleep and be ready for the next day. The biggest stressor was if the price of gasoline went up 1 cent a gallon.

Fast forward to today… The employee arrives at work 30 minutes late because he had to drop the kids off at school. He didn’t have time for breakfast, so he grabs a cup of coffee and yawns as he explains that he was up most of the night because his son had the flu and his wife was called in to work in a second. turn. The employer is grateful that he showed up. He gets interrupted multiple times throughout the work day because he frequently answers his cell phone, takes calls from school about his son bringing a gun to school, the dentist about his daughter’s missed appointment, his wife says she’s coming home an hour late asking him to pick up some groceries on his way home from work. The employee has less than 50% focus on what he is supposed to do at work, he makes several costly mistakes and hides them at his workstation knowing that his boss will be very upset since this has happened several times. times before. The employer is not getting money’s worth from him. The employee is physically exhausted, mentally exhausted, and lacks confidence in his ability to handle all this stress. When he comes home with groceries in tow, he is greeted by a sink full of dirty dishes and a note from his wife reminding him that he will be home late so he will have to fix something for dinner.

There is a hidden resentment on all fronts that women are a force to be reckoned with in the workplace. Male co-workers don’t like taking orders from a female supervisor. Co-workers are often jealous of their supervisor, wanting to believe that they should have her job. The supervisor’s husband is bothered by the fact that she makes more money than he does and that he has had to take on a lot of the housework because she is so busy at work. The supervisor resents the fact that she must work and deal with a husband and children with virtually no time for herself.

Where is the justice in all this? Who is the beneficiary of all this? Were we happier as full-time housewives than we are now as full-time career creators?

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