Jealous and controlling men: is your boyfriend a control freak?

It was during my time working in England a few years ago that I first wondered about the jealous man syndrome. On the way to my apartment at the end of each day, the sight of men sitting patiently in their cars waiting to pick up their wives or girlfriends from work impressed me. It wasn’t until one day that a friend said that her man always insisted on picking her up after work every day. If he needed to go for a drink or anywhere else, I had to tell him in advance. In hindsight, I realized that what impressed me as men who were taking good care of their women really wasn’t in the parking lot for the best of purposes.

It’s interesting to note that the biggest problems in the dating scene are controlling and jealous men who are eager to find someone to love and bond with. However, when they do have her, they do subtle things to subject her to a sense of trust in him, hiding behind the mask of “loving her and wanting the best for her.” At first, the woman will not notice it; in fact, she will probably be elated by the attention she receives from her man. And why wouldn’t she? His charm and attractiveness make everyone think he is a prince charming; it seems as if the world is within reach; And feel that everything is so heavenly! But little did she know that she would later discover that Mr. Good Guy isn’t what he is after all.

Now, how can a woman detect Mr. Jealous and Mr. Controller? This is probably the initial difficulty for all women who are on the dating scene. It will be of great help if we describe the observations about how a controlling and jealous man behaves.

A jealous and controlling man lacks self-confidence or self-esteem. This is the key issue here; It is the root of the problem. Too often you are uncomfortable with yourself. Why is this so? Because you really don’t think you deserve this amazing wonderful woman; thinks he’s not good enough to be her man. And deep down, he believes that she can do better than him.

Mr. Jealous and Controlling lacks self-confidence. He thinks his wife will be taken from him. He has this image in his mind that at any moment she will run away from him or that she is looking for some way out of his world; And worst of all, he’s thinking that she doesn’t really love him or want him at all. You see, man doesn’t know how to love himself in the first place, so he can’t understand why she would love him. As a result, he will stop believing her loving words and will ignore everything she does for him.

This is the beginning of Mr. Controlling’s difficult situation. He begins to think of ways she can depend on him and increase her sense of trust. “If she’s really thinking about leaving me, I should be able to make her stay. But how? Simple, I’ll make her so dependent on me for everything. I should make her want and need me and want to be anywhere. With me even. when I’m with my male friends. “

As the relationship progresses, Mr. Controlling will think of ways to make sure you are where he always sees you. Although deep down, man does not love himself, he is desperate to know that you do; and he needs to see proof of how well you will do things for him. So he will invent situations for you to stay home with him and your social life begins to wane. Instead of spending your usual time with your friends, you will be with him, helping him in all his needs under the pretext that this is necessary to build the romantic relationship. After all, you want to spend most of your time with your man. Little by little, it will alienate you from your circle of friends, even making up stories that these people are not really faithful to you. You won’t realize it, but he is starting to isolate you from the social world to attend to his own needs.

Once he has managed to make your world revolve around him, he will try to lower your self-esteem by judging you and making you feel bad about yourself. They will criticize the way you dress, how you do things, your job, or even your personal values.

He will make you think that no one else will ever like you and that you should be grateful to have him around to love you despite who you are. It will say that you are very lucky to have it. Slowly, that degree of trust and fear will build up inside you until they make you think that what he is saying is in fact true. You will lose your own identity; your friends will be worried about it but you will dismiss them or make excuses because your man has already managed to control your way of thinking.

In what specific ways does he show his control over you? (And you allow him …)

• Interferes with your social activities. He’s overly concerned with who you’re dating, when, and where.

• Insist on going anywhere with you, even worldly places.

• He wants to know where you are calling excessively.

• Makes you feel ugly and inferior and tries to put you down. Dislike your appearance and order what you should wear.

• Shows violent annoyance and antagonistic attitude. Overreacts to even minor details.

• Insinuates dominance in domestic circumstances; wants to be in control of everything inside the house.

• Does not want to communicate or argue; always has the last word.

Now he did it. Now you are in the position he wants you to be: isolated from others and subjugated by him; a woman with no sense of identity, but who only fully trusts him. And he feels good about himself for doing it. In the eyes of your friends and in the social realm, he is still Mr. Good Guy. But deep down inside you there is a feeling of dread for social life because going home and facing him will be a difficult time again. It will be like a broken record that constantly repeats a bad sound: you completely depend on him, but he does not trust you and keeps thinking that you do not love him and that you are going to leave. That’s why he keeps doing these things to you: he needs constant proof that you love him. And since you’re already under his control, you keep doing what he wants … a vicious cycle indeed!

Hey, wake up! Is that why we date and have a relationship with someone? Sure, you have a need to feel loved, wanted, and desired by your man, but definitely not in this way and not at the expense of losing your individuality. Maybe a little jealousy is enough or an arm around your shoulder or that you are rarely attracted to, just so your man can show that he cares about you. It can make both of you feel good, attractive, and sexy even when done in a light-hearted way. But jealousy must have a certain level of control and things shouldn’t go too far. Loving a person is not owning them. In a romantic relationship, you don’t capture someone and hold them prisoner.

Virility and masculinity should not be confused with possessiveness and jealousy. The latter takes away the dignity and self-esteem of a person. Submit the weaker force to the wishes and intentions of the stronger party. We are in the modern age and this type of behavior has no place here. However, today it is obvious that men have been increasingly threatened because women are increasing in almost all areas of society, be it political, social or financial. The fact that a man has a dominant role in the home as father and husband is becoming an old saying. Old ways don’t die easily. Men cling to the traditions they got used to. For this reason they become depressed and discouraged and frantically try to regain their position in the relationship, as well as at home and in today’s society.

And the way they do it results in them becoming extremely Controllers. When a man finds himself in any of these situations – lack of masculinity, frustrated by his career, lack of financial achievement, dominant parental influences, disappointment in domestic roles, and lack of identity, in general – his tendency to become a Controller is very high. We can only hope that soon he can see that what he is doing is alienating the modern woman instead of winning her over to his side. Of course, we do not anticipate that it will change overnight. But in due course, a man must accept that he is not always the key person in the relationship and as such he must also reciprocate the love, affection and attention that his partner gives him.

More and more women are realizing that a jealous and possessive man does not deserve them and that they should never have to put up with it either. But the joke is that if your man had been calm and believed in himself, you wouldn’t even play with the idea of ​​moving. However, his bad attitude due to his low self-esteem eventually led him to what he fears the most: packing up and saying goodbye.

If you are experiencing these things right now and are thinking of quitting, hold on to your family and friends. Mr. Controlling is plagued with psychological and emotional problems and will need company to deal with them. To make you want him back and get back to him, you can expect the man to target the weak areas he has already formed in you.

On a lighter side, the authentic Mr. Nice Guy is a cheerful, positive and self-assured man who does not have problems with possessiveness and jealousy. He and his wife share a mutual interest in each other’s person. He appreciates the individuality of his girlfriend and respects her ideals as she does with him. Relationships aren’t just about sharing the same likes and dislikes or doing the same things together, it’s also about maintaining freedom of personal expression and individuality. It’s about deep trust, knowing that your partner only has the best intentions for you and your relationship.

So go ahead. Many women have risen to the occasion and have moved on, although it is difficult. There are many real Mr. Nice Guys that you could meet, love and be happy with. Healing from the traumatic experience may take some time. But always keep in mind that this is your world, your life. It is your privilege to decide on your own and be responsible for doing what makes you happy. Controlling and jealous men have no place in this world. The sooner they help each other out of this pathetic behavior without the help of any woman, the better.

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