Our portrayal of sex is evidently suited to those seeking the emotional security that they can easily please a lover. Women enjoy hearing claims about orgasms that make them more attractive to men. The only reason men care about female orgasm is because they attribute a woman’s orgasm to their own sexual prowess during intercourse. Although most women refuse to comment on sex or orgasm, men enjoy hearing about their supposed orgasms. Men interpret the female orgasm as the acceptance of intercourse by women. But orgasm is a selfish pleasure that a person enjoys because they are aroused. It has nothing to do with pleasing a lover, except perhaps for gay men who can get turned on by their lover’s erection and ejaculation.
When women see porn actresses supposedly having orgasms, some of them naturally assume that such performances reflect the reality of some women. The idea that they can please men so easily validates them or makes them feel good about themselves. But pornography consists of male arousal produced by men. It has nothing to do with how a woman achieves orgasm on her own.
Some men enjoy sharing their fantasies. They are looking for women with whom to share these fantasies. This is because men get turned on when talking about sex. Women are not turned on in the same way. That’s why women don’t have the same incentive to talk about sex, either in reality or in fantasy. If a woman tells her male partner about her masturbation activities or her fantasies, he may interpret it as arousal and assume that she wants to have sex. Stories of female orgasms are male arousals and generally come from men.
Men enjoy the joys of penetrating, including:
• obtain release from sexual frustration;
• enjoy the pleasures of psychological domination; Y
• the territorial pleasures of ejaculating.
However, the implication is that these pleasures are negligible compared to the pleasure women are supposed to derive from their so-called orgasms with a lover. The female orgasm is presumed to equal the pleasure of the male orgasm plus all these combined pleasures of being a penetrator. How is rape supposed to be a problem? No wonder men are confused.
When a man is aroused, he can exude clear liquid (commonly known as ‘pre-ejaculation’) from the tip of his penis. A man is excited, but this does not mean that the two phenomena are connected. Likewise, when a woman masturbates alone, vaginal lubrication occurs, even more so as she ages. But the function of vaginal lubrication is to facilitate sexual intercourse (and reproduction). It is not a sign that a woman is necessarily close to orgasm.
Women often describe relationship factors when it comes to their arousal. Such feelings do not lead to orgasm. If a woman is to experience orgasm, she must consciously focus her mind on explicitly erotic scenarios. Many women only have romantic fantasies. Romantic fantasies include thinking about having sex with a real or imaginary man, but they do not focus on genital activity close to penetrative sex. Most women only experience emotional or romantic dreams if they dream of sex.
For a man, sex (that is, intercourse) equates to orgasm. A man only wants to have sex when he knows (or is reasonably confident) that he will orgasm. This is the difficulty that men have in accepting that women have sex without ever reaching orgasm. It is quite unthinkable for a man not to have an orgasm through penetrative sex.
Orgasm is known to be a response of the human body. Everyone seems happy with the proposition that although men reach orgasm by stimulating the penis, women can reach orgasm by stimulating various parts of their anatomy, for example the vagina and clitoris. What does this mean? Does it mean that a woman can reach orgasm by stimulating her vagina one time and her clitoris the next? Or does it mean that some women have orgasms by stimulating the clitoris and others by stimulating the vagina?
Either way, the implication is that women have developed two quite different routes to orgasm. There is no rational explanation for how this variable mechanism would have evolved. Since men do not have a vagina, it is highly unlikely that the vagina has evolved as a sexual organ only in women. The implication is that the women developed a capacity that has no reproductive function. This conclusion is neither logical nor scientific.
The position a woman assumes when she masturbates to orgasm is different from the positions we see in porn. Women are shown masturbating by fingering their vulva while facing the audience because this provides the best screen for male observers. Cunnilingus is supposed to provide exquisite pleasure, but in fact, there is little sensation for a woman.
Most women around the world do not have orgasms during intercourse: In fact, female sexual dysfunctions are popular because they are based on something that does not exist, namely the vaginal orgasm. (Vincenzo and Giulia Puppo 2014)
