What are some of the best things about being a parent? If you’re like me, you can spend an hour talking about all the good things about being a parent. When parenting gets harder, it helps to refer back to our list to remind ourselves how great it is or can be. Take a few minutes now and create a list of all the great things that come to mind about raising your child or children. You can even make a separate list for each child and another list that covers all of your children.
There are many external factors that parents must deal with today. Parents must deal with their children’s peers and the pressures they can bring. Media exposure through television and music can also combat the positive message that parents are trying to convey to their children. Parents’ work schedules can make it difficult to spend quality time together. There are always factors that we must overcome if we want to raise our children in a positive and uplifting way.
Here are 5 ways to improve your parenting style and regain closeness with you and your child.
Some of this advice is not for the faint of heart: parenting requires hard work and dedication to the task at hand. I can assure you that these tips are tried and true in my home.
1-Routines: When children know what to expect, they can practice making good decisions based on the repetition of a routine. Families should have several sets of routines throughout the day. Morning routines allow us to get up on time and go out, after school routines ensure that all homework gets done, and the most important routine is the one before bed. Here’s an idea of what to include in your routines, and we’ll start with the most important:
The bedtime routine, which actually starts right after dinner, will include getting ready for the next day. It will consist of bathing, brushing your teeth and preparing your clothes for the next day. This helps both adults and children. If you find that what you want to wear is missing a button or has a stain on it, you can easily make the decision to repair or wash your item or choose something else. (Ever tried to figure out what to wear when you’re up late and have to be out the door in five minutes and your favorite shirt has a stain on it?) Also, before bed, make sure everything you need to get out the door with you are packed and ready to go in the morning, including lunch or lunch money, backpack with homework, and permits. If you eat breakfast at home, this is a good time to set the table and sit down with the cereal box.
Morning Routine: When the morning comes, you don’t need to think: your clothes are ready and laid out, your bag is packed, and you can go straight to breakfast basics, get dressed, brush your teeth, and head out on time. without a frantic rush or panic of forgetting something important.
After School or Evening Routine – This can be for your kids or for you if you stay home.
with younger children. For school-age children, when they come home from school, this is snack time, homework, and the start of homework. This is especially important if you’re not home, they know exactly what needs to be done and can start getting it done and after dinner, you can move right into the next set of routines. If you’re a stay at home mom, the evening is the time you’ll want to make sure you have a dinner plan, if you haven’t worked out yet, do you have a meal plan?
The importance of routines is to observe what you and your family do each day to leave on time and go to bed at a decent hour. It’s helpful to write everything down until it becomes…well…a routine for you. It’s different for every family, but here’s an example of our routines. (My husband and I are raising 5 children together, ages 8, 9, 11, 14, and 16. The following routines apply primarily to the three youngest)
Before, bedding is selected based on the weather; each child takes a shower and brushes their teeth. Each child is encouraged to read for 20 minutes, usually with mom or dad. Bedtime is at 8:30.
Morning-Each child gets up at 7:30 and gets dressed, eats cereal and fruit for breakfast, and brushes their hair and teeth. Our minor must take medication and put in her contact lenses. Any extra time is used for reading, starting homework, or tidying up her room. We will be out the door at 8:20 for the bus.
After school, each child eats a snack, does their afternoon homework, and completes their homework. Anytime after that and before dinner, they can use it to play outside or, if they’ve earned it, they can have 30 minutes to play on the computer.
(You may notice there is no mention of TV time. I’ll cover this more in tip #5.)
2-Spend time with your child every day doing something meaningful; children spell love as TIME. Depending on your child’s age, choose an appropriate activity, such as reading a book, playing outside, or helping with homework. I do not consider or recommend watching television as a meaningful activity, as there is no interaction with your child. (More on this in tip #5)
Spending time with your child isn’t really optional if you want to be a positive parent. If all you say to them is “hurry up”, “don’t do that”, “stop it”, “why didn’t you…”, you will quickly become a scolding and they will ignore you. , as well as everything you tell them, good or bad. Take the time to do something with them, and if you have more than one, you may need to schedule a fun time with each of them. It’s easy to get caught up in the do-it-all business, but I promise you won’t send them off to college wishing they washed more dishes.
3-Eat together at least five nights a week. It’s amazing how much you can learn from your child during a meal. The children want to tell you how their day was. They want to know that someone is interested in them. Start this as soon as possible, even if your child is still in a high chair. Bring it up to the table and make it a family event.
I have a 14 year old girl and have been doing this since she was 2 years old. And since I had more children, we continued the tradition of asking each other two questions every night. We call it “The best, the worst.” Each of us shared the best and the worst that happened to us during the day. Best is a chance for everyone to share some of their accomplishments from the day and gives parents a chance to praise their child for making good choices. The worst allows the child to share any struggles or problems and helps him learn that mom, dad and home are safe places to talk about her problems or concerns. This also gives the child a chance to process what happened and what they could have done differently to achieve an alternative, more positive outcome.
4-Get to know your child’s friends: This becomes more and more important as they get older. How do you do this? Make your house the one the kids want to go to. Have snacks available for them, food will almost always appeal to children, especially teenagers. Give them a place to hang out, watch TV, access My Space, or listen to music. Make it as supervised as possible, without being obvious. Our teens don’t go to someone else’s house unless I know and have talked to the parents, to make sure an adult will be home.
By allowing my children’s friends to come to our home, I have the opportunity to see how these young people behave and I can decide if I want them to influence my child. My kids know our values and if they bring someone home who doesn’t share a closeness to our values, I discourage friendship. Youth who come to our home and use my refrigerator or pantry without permission are generally not invited back. I also use this as an opportunity to teach my children the proper behavior when you are a guest in someone’s home.
5-Turn off the television and keep it off. Have I already heard a gasp? When I say turn off the television, I mean turn it off five days a week. There are several reasons why I suggest this… By the time kids get home from school and complete their evening homework, snack, and chore routines, it’s usually around dinner time.
Between a day at school and their afternoon responsibilities, they need some fresh air, some exercise, and generally some free time. How relaxing it is to sit and color, or talk on the phone with their friends, or better yet, let them help you cook dinner, which is a perfect example of tip #2. After dinner, you’re starting your bedtime routine and getting ready for the next day, then it’s time for bed.
Another reason to turn off the television is the programs that are broadcast today. It is not Mayberry or Pollyanna that our children are exposed to. If you’ve watched any of the Disney shows lately, you’ll see that the kids are in control, the parents are absent, or they don’t have a clue what their kids are doing. Usually there is some kind of deception involved, a lie is told and the kids spend 30 minutes trying to cover it up, instead of being honest from the start. Is this the message you want to send your child?
Reality shows like “Sweet 16” portray teenagers celebrating this monumental milestone, thinking she deserves $50,000 for the color of her choice. And the parents please her! Do you plan to spend so much money on any of your children’s birthdays? It is very difficult to get your children to accept your values, morals and beliefs and also to let them be exposed to beliefs that differ so much.
In our house, the television can be turned on to pre-approved programs only on Friday nights and Saturdays. By Sunday afternoon, we’re in mode to get ready for the week, so we keep it unless there’s something in particular that it would be a pleasure for all of us to enjoy together. My 9 year old son is in a class with 23 other students and is one of 2 kids who doesn’t watch TV on school nights.
Many times parents want to blame our schools, churches, and neighborhoods for the way our children are raised. It is time that we, as parents, fully accept our responsibility for the fate of our children.
I made the decision to have my children and I believe that it is 100% my responsibility to educate them on the path they should follow. You would not take a young plant, one that does not yet have strong, firm roots, and leave it in the dead of winter without protection. Children are not “little adults”, their minds are not developed and we have to protect them, make decisions for them, and teach them the path they should follow along the way, so that when the time is right, adulthood awaits them happily . .
