Around the world, millions of people, both children and adults, are experiencing some form of abuse. Be it physical or emotional; received at home, school or work; at the hands of traffickers, companions and confusingly, of those who say they love you. It happens, for as many reasons as people, it happens; And if it is happening to you, rest assured that you are not alone and that ONLY YOU have the power to end this.
Looking back, I suffered ten years of physical and emotional abuse in my relationship. It was ten years of continually feeling discouraged, depressed, somewhat angry, deflated, unmotivated, and just plain unhappy. However, interestingly, I never considered myself a victim of domestic violence. It is only since I escaped from the relationship that I have memories of those terrible moments and now I can clearly see that he was, without a doubt, abusing me.
A question that often comes up: “Why doesn’t she just quit?”
Having been in the situation for so long; my answer would be “I couldn’t leave. He had completely gotten into my mind, controlling the way I thought, how I felt about myself, and he even held me accountable for how he treated me”!
Certainly a stranger’s perspective would have been dramatically different from what I saw and believed to be true.
Ultimately, I have found that one needs the strength to leave a bad situation behind. Unfortunately, it is up to you to find that strength to make the change. For ten years I defeated myself that this was the path I chose, therefore I had to make it work and I foolishly believed that he would see the error of his ways and change.
But ladies, no more false hopes. I learned in these last few months that he would never have changed, no one knew how narcissistic he was, I never spoke out against him, so why did he volunteer to change? He had been in full control for ten years, but in the end, I took it from him in one night. That was the night I woke up, apologized and realized that I was a woman who was worth more than the way she was treated.
I realized that he was a good person, not the disgusting animal that he led me to believe he was. No more, and I left in the middle of the night to start over.
The act of departure was easy. I threw all my clothes, shoes, underwear into garbage bags, collected various personal items from the house, took my passport and driver’s license, and got in the car. Why oh why didn’t I do that 5, 6, 7, 8, or 9 years ago? But I did it that night, and that was all that mattered.
Like I said, in hindsight, the starting act was easy. I drove 300 miles to a new place to start over, to start my new life. Sacrificing my friends, my work, my house was not easy at all. However, it couldn’t have been otherwise, he really believed that there were only two ways to get out of that house, in the middle of the night with some possessions or in a body bag on a stretcher.
What was it like to finish? While I was still sane and alive, I had a choice and so did you.
I promise you from the bottom of my heart that you will do well. Simply acknowledge that you are CHOOSING to be a victim. Outsiders are 100% correct.
Find the strength, tell your friends and family what is happening, GET the protection you need, but DO IT IMMEDIATELY.
Don’t let this situation last as long as I do. Start over, and when you’re ready, find someone who loves and appreciates you for being the perfect way you are.
Now my only regret is that I didn’t leave earlier as it was so much easier and not as painful as you think it will be. One day, everything will be a distant memory. For now, I am concentrating on my new life in the city. For those of you who think you can’t start over with whatever it is; believe me you can.
