Men are much more curious about female masturbation than women themselves. Female masturbation is depicted in visual media or erotic literature, but these accounts represent fantasies and assumptions rather than the reality of how a woman actually masturbates to orgasm. There are so many fictional and inaccurate stories and hardly any true accounts. Why should a woman who enjoys orgasm alone talk about her experiences? In any case, nobody knows the difference between reality and erotic fiction.
Widespread pornography and movies show women masturbating in situations similar to those of a man. These representations are silently accepted by the women of the town even though they are incorrect. This fictional portrayal of women’s sexuality is primarily driven by male curiosity and male fantasy, but it gives us the impression that we know how women respond when no one really has a clue.
Any activity that begins when a child is prepubescent cannot be a true orgasm. Some boys have a spontaneous orgasm at this age, but these are unique. A woman needs sexual maturity to respond to eroticism on a much more sophisticated level than a man. A young man may become aroused by visual images of body parts or genital activity. Girls learn to masturbate later than boys because their fantasies are more complex. A woman needs to think much more deeply and explicitly about penetrative sexual activity.
Young girls and women can stimulate their vulva, without ever reaching orgasm. Perhaps they are responding to some latent instinct. Maybe they are experimenting. Maybe they feel like they should masturbate. It could be that they experience some kind of genital itching. They rub it for a while and finally stop, looking satisfied. Perhaps rubbing has eradicated the itch as much as it could on any other part of the body. These alleged orgasms occur outside of any erotic context. Women never refer to arousals.
Men’s primary motivation for engaging in sexual activity (alone or with a partner) is mental arousal. Men’s heads (to varying degrees) are filled with sexual thoughts. A man is likely to keep some (less socially acceptable) thoughts to himself out of embarrassment or to avoid offending a lover (particularly a woman). Ignoring what orgasm feels like, some women assume that various vague sensations with a lover could be an orgasm.
In very rare cases, a woman has so many orgasms that she needs to go to the hospital to stop them. This is not a response to erotic stimuli. This is purely a disorder of the nervous system. There are a number of nervous system phenomena that have symptoms in common with orgasm. These include anger, fear and epilepsy. Orgasm is defined by the pleasure a person enjoys from the psychological erotic inputs that caused her arousal.
The female orgasm is not a problem in sexual intercourse. Neither is the male orgasm but for different reasons. The male orgasm is not a problem because it is usually a fact. The female orgasm is not a problem because women accept sex as it is. For some women this means that they accept that orgasm does not occur with a lover. For others, they may assume the orgasm occurs but assume it is trivial or implied. They describe orgasm in terms of emotional factors. Either way, it makes little difference to women’s attitudes toward sex.
Some women believe that they have an orgasm with intercourse. Most likely, they will feel mildly pleasurable sensations. These physical or emotional sensations that women feel are completely normal and harmless. They are not orgasms because they do not involve a mental response to erotic stimuli.
Sexual intercourse related to a man who has an erection. Women can only have sex in response to male initiative. So saying that the female orgasm occurs during intercourse allows any woman who has ever had sex to believe that she could have had an orgasm and therefore be considered sexually normal, so called her. However, intercourse is initiated and driven by the male sexual drive.
Sex provides men with both the physical gratification and the satisfaction of expressing their masculinity. Women do not get physical gratification from sex. Women have sex for fun, for ego, or to get a non-sexual reward like a free meal. Most women have sex with someone they care about.
Anyone who has had an orgasm knows that crude sexual thoughts and genital urges are involved. We have a natural tendency to be ashamed to admit these thoughts and impulses. That is why we can be sure that women who claim to have an orgasm have never had one. They are not ashamed because they do not understand that sexual arousal (and resulting orgasm) must come from thinking about something vulgar. Women assume that orgasm arises purely from emotional sensations and physical stimulation.
Women’s eroticism is often associated with themes of humiliation, domination, and sadism. As with fear or horror, these topics can cause nervous excitement that women may mistake for arousal, but they do not cause orgasm. Orgasm is a mental response to explicitly sexual scenarios.
How do women learn what an orgasm is? Your parents don’t talk to you about it. Where would you learn? I don’t know. Perhaps they are reporting orgasms just as they are having a pleasurable sensation. (Nicole Prause 2014)
