I guess it takes talent to screw up not one but two TV networks at the same time, but the assholes at Comcast found a way to destroy both G4 and TechTV. After merging them last year, the network will now be revamped to the point where other people like me who used to like the channel will now have to find something else to watch.
Over the years there was a loose connection between G4 and TechTV. ScreenSavers host Kevin Pereira made a cameo appearance in Arena and TechTV’s top show, X-Play, was all about video games. When the two merged in the fall of 2004, they formed G4TechTV. and i loved it
Truth be told, both networks had serious gaps in their lineups that have now been fixed. The idea of two channels united as one was a fantasy for someone like me who could now see practically all of their programming. 5 months later it was still sweet. My new favorite show, Judgment Day, was airing three times a day and the channel still had the half/half tech/gaming combination working for them. Then something bad happened in March 2005… TechTV disappeared.
G4 latched onto TechTV for their most watched TV slot and then pushed them aside. It was just G4 again in March, and executives began sacrificing both TechTV and G4 programming. Filter, at one point on par with the best the channel had to offer, suffered the most. They went from being a top 10 video game show to a merchandise show as well, attracting movies, DVDs, and music to the list. They fell in love so much that in one episode I watched they were using IMDB quotes that a user had written about a movie.
And they weren’t the only show to plummet in quality. X-Play had always included a bit of comedy in their reviews. But away from TechTV on G4, it was too much to bear. They tried so hard to be funny that they weren’t actually criticizing the games anymore, they were making fun of themselves. They would usually only get a preview of a game if it was coming out months later. But at G4, the previews became so plentiful that they literally previewed the games they would review days later.
ScreenSavers didn’t look like the tech-based program it once was and was easy for most people to avoid. A couple of months later it became Attack of the Show, which was a better thought-out version of ScreenSavers. However, when Kevin Rose left, all the technology was completely emptied of the show and it was back to the old dodge.
There were several bright spots on the web that were also shaded. “Real Time Presented by Coca-Cola” was a Sunday block that would be based on a game franchise like Need For Speed or Metroid Prime. Then some of their shows like X-Play, Cinematech, Filter, and Judgment Day would have at least one appearance from that game. This was great as it was a chance to watch old episodes of G4 shows. That was also removed last year.
And even though these half-ruined TV shows were downgraded from what they were before, it was still a video game network. Or at least it was. The change started when the old digitized G4 logo became the graffiti style we see today. It symbolized that the network was making even more changes that would inevitably ruin my life. One change that happened was that popups were added in the program for other G4 programming. In the old days they were pretty much subliminal and wouldn’t really affect my viewing of the show. These days they take up 1/3 of the screen and make a loud screeching sound every time the ad appears and disappears.
In June they fell to the bottom of the television barrel-partial nudity. By that I mean the Whip Set, a block of goofy car TV shows that not even Satan could tolerate. Not only were these boring shows aimed at a completely different demographic than any other G4 show, they were worse than any of them. One similarity found across all shows is that there are always a myriad of women in the picture who can’t wait to get paid for what they’re doing. I had to watch with disappointment when I saw my favorite network slowly becoming MTV.
Another craze was Video Game Vixens, which was canceled in a heartbeat because even the assholes running the channel knew they had created a mess. The show was more or less a beauty pageant of 3D women who appeared in video games. Just the thought was enough to make me want to throw up. Hosted by Hal Sparks (aka the really not funny annoying guy from I Love The 80’s), the show may not have lasted very long, but just the fact that it existed was bad enough.
And don’t get me started on the barbed wire cookie. To truly signify his madness, the net has gone after [adult swim] with a night block that stinks more than a toilet seat. Aside from Brainiac (a quirky British science show that picks up the TechTV vibe), every show on Barbed Wire blows up. Happy-tree Friends is the worst collection of cartoons I’ve ever seen, I’d even take 12 .Oz Mouse (the worst [adult swim] show ever) on this stack. Anime Unleashed has survived simply because the anime runs on Cartoon Network. And while CN may have the biggest anime titles, Anime Unleashed has some of the worst. To be fair, Anime Unleashed has sucked since the days of TechTV. It’s a shame that’s the only G4 show not affected by the change.
The worst is yet to come. Long-running shows g4tv.com and Filter have been cancelled, never to watch a new episode again. At first I was surprised and wondered what was going to take over his old time slots. Then I learned that Star Trek Next Generation, which has been syndicated more times than Law and Order, was coming to G4. This was disconcerting to me as it seemed like G4 was trying to shed their geeky image. But then I remembered that Star Trek is on SpikeTV and everything became clear.
G4 is now trying to become a “man” network, which explains why Man Show and Whip Set have made their way onto the channel. It is no longer a network for games: it is a network for garbage. Even if you like the Man Show, you have to agree that it just doesn’t belong. The higher powers of G4 also confessed that another name change is probably needed for the network and that g4 will become a thing of the past.
Folks, Star Trek isn’t on G4 for an hour or two of the day. In a four hour gap between AOTS, the show will be three hours long. Shoot me now. Also Judgment Day seems to be getting kicked out (feared it for a long time). After an episode airs on Sunday: January 8 at 1 pm ET, the show will cease to exist in the TV schedule. Maybe it will come back in the future, maybe not. Until then, G4 is dead to me.
