As a psychotherapist living in Los Angeles and an avid news reader, I guess I should say something about the recent deaths of three iconic American figures: Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson.

From a mental health, or even a “life management” point of view, Michael Jackson obviously stands out, and a therapist could write for eons on those topics for analysis.

My take on these deaths, and I’ll be brief, is this: When I think about the loss of Ed McMahon, Johnny Carson’s long-time partner (30+ years) on “The Tonight Show,” it’s the thought that Hey, no. We can ALL be “Johnny” in this world. Some of us have to be Ed McMahon. We have to be less pretty, less successful, less wealthy, less adored, less thoughtful, whatever, than some of the people close to us. Anyone who has ever been “not” famous and married/associated with a famous person knows this. But did Ed McMahon have a bad life?

I do not think. By all accounts, she was a celebrity millionaire in her own right, with multiple marriages and children. She also put on very successful shows on her own, without a Johnny in sight. So when we think that maybe we’re not as famous and number one star as we might wish we were or had been, we have to take our hats off to Ed McMahon, and all the “Ed McMahons” like him, not to mention the bazillions of unsung heroes who weren’t even as famous as Ed McMahon was. Sometimes we have to be a star in our own world, in our own way, without millions, without fame, without notoriety. And you know what? That’s not such a bad life. Most people in the world fall into that category.

With Farrah, As a Cancer Survivor Myself (2002), I have to admire her not only for being a ’70s beauty bombshell, but also as a hero to those who bravely face cancer. I’ve lived 19 years with HIV and seen dozens of friends die from HIV/AIDS, and I STILL say cancer is worse – it’s SO bad (I thought it’s not a contest here; HIV is not a picnic, guys, so don’t be slack with safer sex, okay?). So, for Farrah to show persistence and courage and bravery as a cancer patient, that makes her a hero, not something she could have done in the service of Aaron Spelling or any other studio. I also admire how, artistically, she went from being frankly not a very good actress to studying hard and learning to hone the craft so that when she did “Extremities” and “The Burning Bed,” she was decent. at least. She shows him that hard work and training are a worthwhile investment, no matter what field she’s in. Working to improve your skills in your chosen field is always a noble pursuit. That’s why I admire Farrah: she’s full of “noble goals.” I hope she really does rest in peace; she seemed very sweet. Who knows if someone will ever write a book saying otherwise.

And about Michael Jackson, what can I say that hasn’t already been said? He reportedly suffered major developmental trauma and possibly other traumas in his history, including speculation of sexual abuse; substance abuse; and more sycophants around him (“Yes Men”) than in human history. He’s also in the same category as Elvis and (my beloved) Judy Garland, stars who became addicted in the midst of their stardom in a way that ultimately took their lives prematurely. It’s tragic all around. It is to be admired for the amazing phenomenon that is talent, where God or Nature or whatever bestows a certain ability or abilities that mesmerize us in fascination and beauty, in Jackson’s case, his singing and dancing and his ability to captivate to an audience of global size. .

Watching great talent in action is one of the wonderful things about being alive. But because I work with SO MANY kids who are survivors of child sexual abuse, I reserve my sympathies for Jackson because I doubt he is innocent of seriously abusing young children. I just believe that he MIGHT be guilty and that he fled the country to escape scrutiny. Surviving sexual assault is one of the most difficult conditions I help my clients with. And while I can help you heal with certain trauma recovery techniques that I have been trained in and learned to apply with hundreds of case examples and results, I still dislike ANYONE who indulges their sexual urges at the expense of a non-consensual person. Age of consent issues are controversial, and not ALL teen-adult relationships are harmful, as discussed in Harmful to Minors, a great book on the subject.

However, if Michael Jackson harmed ANY of the young men in his care, whether through “innocent” naivety, or through arrogant and entitled narcissistic self-indulgence, then he is to be despised for it, as if he weren’t mega -rich and mega-powerful; as are people who are incarcerated for such crimes. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and tell him to rest in peace, but not without wishing the same amount of peace (and more) to anyone who’s ever been his victim.

I’m sorry that all these numbers have disappeared before the normal life expectancy of Americans, but at least we live in a culture where we can accept loss and mortality by seeing it reflected in our cultural icons. We all have to come to terms with death, eventually. Doing it through the death of celebrities is a “channel” or “resource” to do it. Works for me.