I tell people I live so far in the boonies my zip code is EIEIO.

We’re in North Carolina, named for King Charles I of England…about 30 miles west of Asheville, named for Governor Samuel Ashe. Asheville sits on the beautiful curvaceous French Broad River, which I’m pretty sure was named after Brigitte Bardot.

When you think of our hometown, think of “Mayberry.” This is the heart of Appalachia: the land of mountains and moonlight… Bluegrass and the Blue Ridge Parkway… black bears, baptists and bubbas.

And when I say “Bubbas” I mean guys with hearts of gold and the reddest red necks in the world. When rednecks in Georgia, Alabama, and Mississippi tell redneck jokes, they’re talking about rednecks in North Carolina.

When we first moved here my #1 problem was making friends among the locals. The Bubbas and Bubbettes were surprisingly aloof.

At first, I thought we just hadn’t been able to communicate. And so, I committed myself to learning a new language: “Mountain English”.

I learned, for example, that a “FAR” is a fire… a “TAR” is a tire… a “TIRE” is a tower… and you who live abroad are “GROWERS”.

Now, I don’t claim to be a linguist, but I think I learned pretty quickly. Soon, when a local accosted me with a loud “Heidi,” I knew exactly what she meant. What’s more, I could quickly answer: “Heidi beck – Hire Yew?” (Translation: “Hello, how are you?”)

All I got were blank stars. Like he had a third eye or a snot up his nose or something.

And so, perplexed by my inability to connect, I began to suspect that the locals might just be timid, and the source of their bullying might be my new BMW 745li, a rich man’s car. So, I quickly traded my Beemer for a pickup truck. A pickup with a 500-horsepower Viper ten-cylinder engine, mind you, but a pickup nonetheless.

The Bubbas still stayed away from me. Unfortunately, the local Barney Fife was not so shy.

See, when a guy’s got 500 ponies under the hood, he’s going to rev up. (I know: I’ve seen myself do it!)

And a couple of weeks ago, the inevitable happened: I got caught pretending that State Highway 73 was the highway.

“Okay,” I told Officer Fife, “I was speeding, he caught me, I deserve the ticket.”

“No problem,” I assured La Pelirroja (my wife, Wendy), “I’ll just pay the $250 fine and maybe get a point or two on my license.”

“I am guilty, sir,” I confessed to the judge, “and I am willing to suffer the consequences.”

“Okay,” Hizzoner says, “the penalty is…you lose your driver’s license for a full year.”

Now, have you ever had heart, stomach, AND sphincter seizures at exactly the same moment?

Suddenly, this was anything but a “no problem” situation. This was an important event in my life! And suddenly, for the first time, I regretted, DEEPLY, blowing up the numbers on that speed limit sign.

But as my mind reeled with images of myself unable to ride my Harley, discouraged on commutes to the office, and living in cabs on business trips, the judge said something that forever drew him: “…But since this is your first ticket,” he smiled, “I’m going to reduce it to just $250.”

In the blink of an eye, I went from panic to euphoria. The sun broke through my gloom, the little birds began to sing and I could hear the angels singing. I didn’t know whether to thank the judge or run up to the bench and hug him!

In fact, I can honestly say that I’ve only experienced such an intense wave of relief and gratitude one other time in my entire life: in the back seat of my ’57 Chevy in 1968 (don’t worry, we won’t get into that right now).

Now, at this point, you’re probably thinking, “What the hell does all this have to do with direct mail promotions or writing sales copy?

Quite a bit, it turns out…

Most of us, and most of our prospects, do things we know we shouldn’t. Or not doing the things we know we should do.

And most of us are pretty sure that sooner or later we’ll probably get what we deserve. Then we repent of our sins and that feeling of repentance is called “Guilt.”

Now, it turns out that guilt is one of the most powerful human emotions, as is the unique kind of euphoria that accompanies forgiveness.

Every prospect you talk to is a walking, talking pile of guilt.

You feel guilty because you haven’t always eaten well or exercised…

Who smokes or drinks too much…

Who works too much or not enough…

That he does not support his family well (conservative guilt) or that he earns “too much” (liberal guilt)…

That he lost family money in an action he should have investigated better… or couldn’t save enough for retirement.

No matter who we’re selling to, these guilty emotions reside in almost all of our prospects.

When you think about these failures (or when gently reminded by our promotion), your remorse turns to fear and becomes dominant, a driving force capable of moving you to action.

And when a direct mail promotion shows you how a product absolves you of your sin and suspends the consequences of your defect, the urge to buy can become almost irresistible.

WHAT EVERY MOTHER KNOWS

At last year’s Power Marketing Summit, we had a session where a panel of experts offered suggestions for improving attendees’ sales copy.

One of the most memorable direct mail promotions was for a water purifier, and I asked attendees why anyone would want something like this in their home.

Several hands went up…

A logic wizard volunteered: “Removes dangerous chemicals, bacteria, and viruses from water.”

Someone who read a book on the benefits suggested, “Does it keep you healthier?”

And one super pragmatist said, “It’s cheaper than buying bottled water.”

All good answers. But the last answer offered was the best by far…

“Because your children are counting on you to protect them.”

Now I ask you: have you ever met a mother who didn’t feel she could, or should, do better with her children?

I have not done it! And I’d be willing to bet money against bagels that a direct mail promotion revealing the secret of a mother whose kids never get sick would be a grand slam out of the park.

This week, I finished the first draft of a direct mail promotion selling a nutritional supplement that reduces the risk of heart attack or stroke, and to write the sales copy, I had to read nearly 4,000 customer testimonials.

My favorite said something like…

“I smoke two packs a day and drink a quart of vodka every other day. I eat a lot of red meat and cheese and rich, sugary desserts. I’ve never exercised a day in my life.

“My doctor says I should try to live a healthier life. I tell him to mind his own business. At 94, I like my lifestyle the way it is. There’s no way I’m going to change it.”

“So thank you for a product that allows me to live the way I want and still keep my blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar normal.”

Priceless.

Now that guy doesn’t seem to have an ounce of guilt in his entire body. But most people who use my client’s product do.

It was clear that they viewed their product as a way to gain forgiveness for past health sins. And so one of my top headlines tackled that idea, promising to “Dissolve 50 Years of Arterial Plaque in 8 Weeks or Less.”

Note, however, that I never mentioned the fact that my prospect’s high blood pressure, massive cholesterol levels, or diabetes were his doing. Blaming prospects for self-created problems only annoys them. Not a particularly good way to make a friend or a sale.

But if you start by understanding the guilt and fear your prospects feel about the benefits your product provides, and then simply offer forgiveness in the form of your product (or bonus), you’ve taken a giant step toward selling.

I hope this helps…..