In the year 2099, humanity somehow managed not to explode yet. It has been 96 years since the human genome was sequenced and Dolly the sheep was cloned. Too bad all the sheep went extinct sometime during 2049. Humans traveled back in time to the future and also came back in time to see the latest edition of the Superbowl as there is no Superbowl in the future, all of America invaded by football . Artificial intelligence was implemented, but it was soon discarded after robots with artificial intelligence began to display human characteristics such as laziness, sleeping too much, asking for a salary, among other things, contrary to the belief that they would take over the world. Humanity is still as close to developing nuclear fusion as it was in 2016; that’s not even close. However, cars have started to run on water, which has now become more expensive than gasoline.
After successfully colonizing Mars, the inhabitants of the red planet have now begun to demand Earth’s freedom citing the interference of Earth authorities in their day-to-day affairs. Apple, after many protests, finally agreed to take back the headphone slot that it removed at the turn of the century.
As humanity dreams of the future, here is a look at its origins through some recipes, which appear in the sixth issue of the magazine “Genetic Alchemy Cookbook” that describes how to create African tribes:
Zulu warrior
Ingredients: E1b1a 55%, E2 21%, B 20%, A 3%, Other 1%
Directions: In a medium bowl, combine 55% E1b1a gene, 21% E2, 20% B, add a little A (about 3%) mix well, cook until you see spears and voila! you just made a zulu warrior.
Pygmy hunter
Ingredients: B 56%, E1b1a 31%, A 4%, E2 4%, R1b 4%, Other 1%
Instructions: To make a pygmy hunter, you need to mix 56% of gene B with 31% of E1b1a, add small amounts of genes A, E2, and R1b (about 4% each), leave for 5 minutes so that it is balanced. If you can’t get the percentages right, get a math degree in the meantime. Preheat the oven and bake at 425 degrees Fahrenheit, until golden brown. Congratulations! You just became a pygmy hunter.
Bantu people:
Ingredients: E1b1a 60%, E2 14%, B 9%, E1b1b 8%, A 6%, Other 3%
Directions: To make the Bantu people, take a saucepan and pour in about 60% of the E1b1a genes and 14% of the E2 genes left over from last night’s party. Now in a blender pour 9% of B and 8% of the E1b1b genes and blend until you can’t tell the difference. Pour the blended mixture into the saucepan and sauté until medium brown. Be careful not to burn the same or risk the wrath of the Bantu people. Finally, garnish it with about 6% A and 3% other genes. And voila! You have the Bantu people.
Tuareg fighter:
Ingredients: E1b1b 62%, E1b1a 24%, R1b 13%, Other 1%
Directions: Take a salad bowl and cover the entire surface with 62% of the E1b1b gene. Now, in a separate bowl, take 24% E1b1a, 13% R1b, and 1% other genes and whisk them with plenty of water to create a perfect sauce. Now add this sauce to the salad bowl and mix until completely mixed. And believe it or not, he has his personal Tuareg fighter.
PS: If you are unsure of any measure, feel free to Facetime any Tuareg fighter you know.
Hausa tribe:
Ingredients: R1b 40%, B 16%, A 13%, E1b1a 13%, E1b1b 4%, Other 14%
Instructions: Go to your backyard and fire up the barbecue you got last Christmas. Take a barbecue skewer and fill it with 40% R1b, 16% B, 13% A, 13% E1b1a, 4% Eibib, and 14% other genes for a really colorful mix. Make sure you get the measurements absolutely correct, otherwise the Hausa will be missing a leg. Place the skewer on the barbecue until it is completely roasted. And you sir / madam have a Hausa tribe.
