One of the keys to a great relationship is emotional transparency. These emotions that are usually not expressed can be the deepest such as fear, sadness and longing.

Intimacy is about revealing yourself to your partner. For me, I see that’s what intimacy is all about.

You need to learn not to blame your partner for your own emotional reactions. It is also important to take personal responsibility for your own feelings. If you live with an abusive man, you can always walk away instead of blaming him or yourself for your situation.

One of the best ways to communicate without blame is to say, “When you did that, I felt sad inside. In general, men need to learn to communicate more about fear, sadness, and longing, while women need to talk about anger.”

Moments of emotional transparency can totally change a relationship for the better. Most of us need a little encouragement to be more open. This is because we don’t want our partner to react. We depend on our partner for our positive sense of self. We take it easy and don’t express what we’re really feeling.

When we hide big secrets from our lover, it consumes a lot of energy. The art of telling our partner our feelings releases the energy that used to accumulate in efforts to keep those feelings hidden.

Why is it so hard to say that I feel hurt or feel sad? Most of us have not been taught the importance of emotional transparency. Many of us tend to dismiss our feelings and avoid the more negative ones like anger.

However, if you resist feeling negative feelings, you are training yourself not to fully feel feelings like joy and bliss.

If you fully feel the negative emotions, they pass in 5-10 seconds. If you resist feeling these relationships, they are stored in your body on some level.

I am not suggesting that you express your anger to your partner in a physical way. If you get angry, it’s best to say “I feel angry” and “I need some space.” Leave the room and walk, dance, or hit the bed to fully express the anger in a safe way. When it is no longer activated, go back and communicate with your partner.

The best question to ask is “Have I talked to someone about something significant that I haven’t talked about with my partner”?

It takes courage to commit to being emotionally transparent in your relationship. Being able to calm down if your partner reacts is a true skill of a mature adult. I like to think of the saying, don’t take things personally.

Try to catch your mind when you react emotionally to a situation out of your control. If you see your reaction, you can watch it and notice that it will dissolve in about a minute. If you take a deep breath and move your body, this also helps the emotions to go away.