Trust in a relationship is a funny and fragile thing. On the one hand, it is an essential building block of a successful partnership between you and your lover. A relationship just doesn’t work without it. On the other hand, when it disappears, bad things happen. The relationship may well go down the drain.
Even if it is not completely destroyed, it will be slow and difficult work to put things back in order. In a word, once bitten, twice shy. Or, to put it another way, if a man cheated on you or abused you (verbally or physically), why should you ever trust him or anyone else? HOW can you put your faith back in someone? Answer: she can’t. At least not for now.
It is a common reaction to blame all men for the sins of their boyfriend or spouse. And don’t be too quick to judge here. Men do the same and react in the same way to betrayal and lack of trust from their girlfriends. The point is that you should keep all these nasty things in the back of your mind when dating a girl who has trouble trusting you or any man.
He may not tell you why or what happened to him, at least not at first. But it’s probably because there was a lack of trust in a relationship she was in recently. If you continue dating this girl, you will no doubt soon get all the gory details.
For now, however, you must be patient. You have to show her that you’re not like her ex-boyfriend who treated her badly, even if you don’t know exactly what happened. It does not matter now. Just do the right thing, always, without exception, starting with the little things.
Be on time for the dates. If you say you’ll call her tomorrow night, do it. If you promise to do something or fix something, do it without fail. Little by little, with time, love and patience, you will feel that it opens up to you. Eventually, she may start talking about what happened in that previous relationship that made her so fearful and suspicious.
Be careful now. He wants your support, not your opinion. Just nod wisely and be understanding. You can say things like: You don’t think you can ever love again. You can reply that things that seem impossible just take a little longer and time heals all wounds. She may deliberately make things difficult for you, to test you.
She needs to know if you’re going to run at the first sign of trouble. She also wants you to work to win her over, to increase her value in your eyes. In any case, here is a very important point: never take lightly her pain or her problems, even the little aspects of them. They are very real to her.
Be consistent and reliable. Be the one she trusts and leans on. She wants to know if she can count on you for love and support, through thick and thin. Be there when she needs you. Let her know that she is her top priority. Give small gifts from time to time. If you have children, make a very special effort to get to know them and have a fun time with them.
Without seeming like it, she is watching closely to see how you interact with her children. If she doesn’t, that could be a deal breaker. Also, tell her that she’s hot. Let her know that she loved the burgers she cooked up on nothing flat. Women can be insecure, and she needs to be reminded of how wonderful and beautiful she really is.
Building trust in a relationship in this way may seem like a difficult task at first. It may even seem to you that you are putting much more into this relationship than you are getting out of it. Stick with it, and it should pay off tremendously later on. Things will balance out as the relationship progresses. And you might as well meet a loving and caring girl who simply adores you!
