Having an STD can be scary. You know what is even scarier? The stigma that goes with it.
In fact, I don’t. But what was your first thought? Has your opinion of me changed? I ask, because this is a very real situation that many have to face on a daily basis. Let’s talk about stigma.
Let me start with a short story that happened to me. About 30 years ago I was working as a crisis counselor for HIV / AIDS communities. And although many of my clients had multiple health problems and co-occurring disorders, it seemed that many people wanted to know what it was like to work with someone with AIDS. While it is true that I entered the era of AIDS at a time (late 1980s and early 1990s) when we were still learning about modes of transmission and pathology, there was an associated stigma that scared, annoyed and pissed off some people. . I can remember that at an AIDS march in Washington DC, there was a group from the church yelling the vilest things at us as we marched peacefully. I think that’s when I realized how powerful stigma was.
But one day my good friend asked if we could have lunch together. Always awake to eat, I accepted his invitation. I realized that something weighed heavily on their minds. After we got to our table, they said they had something they really needed to tell me. I was preparing for the worst. It was at this point that they revealed that they had herpes. Without hesitation my answer was … “And”? They said “That’s it.” That they just needed me to know. I exhaled feeling revived. Not sure where they came from? They explained that they had been carrying for some time and were afraid of being judged. All I could think and say was, “You know I have been an HIV / AIDS counselor for a decade. What makes you think I would judge you?”
What surprised me the most was how small they felt. The fact that the population I served was {at the time} considered the outcast as the addiction population, I was surprised that they thought herpes would cause a judgment on my part. It did not. However, it did open my eyes to the stigma and judgment felt by people who share these diseases on a day-to-day basis.
We are a culture of blame, finger pointing, and shame. We don’t look at someone with cancer and make judgments. Neither do we when someone has epilepsy. But when it comes to addictions, STDs, and even obesity, opinions seem to change. It’s almost as if these people don’t deserve compassion.
A few years ago I was part of a group company that was supposed to provide methadone to addicts in their environment. It was a mobile methadone center. One of the local newspapers was interviewing me and, being the staff chaplain, they asked me, “What was my plan to convert these people?” My first thought was “These people?” I just bit my tongue and said, “I’m not here to convert you. I’m here to love you.” I’m not sure why we feel the need to convert, shame, or judge people who need help.
I think the bottom line from my experiences is that people get sick. Some by chance, and as some would say by choice. Bad things happen. And sometimes horrible things happen. Stigma and judgment play no role in healing or changing behaviors for the better. When I remember when my friend was afraid to tell me about herpes, despite knowing what he was doing for a living, I made it happen for me. Being sick is scary. Being sick and being judged is downright scary.
We can do better. We must do better. Mental health, addiction, obesity or AIDS, we have the power to create an environment that encourages healing. Because at no point in my 30+ years of mental health work have I seen anyone make healthy changes because of judgment. Acceptance, education, and compassion pave the way for change, health, and recovery.
