One of the main reasons so many marriages end in divorce is because people don’t sit down and talk about the important issues before they get married. They don’t ask the hard questions and make those important future plans before going through the ceremonial and legal process of getting married. Here are some of the top questions to ask before you walk down the aisle.
1. Do you want to have children? Many couples are surprised to learn that their love does not want children. If you are very interested in having a family or not having a family, you need to make sure that your potential spouse has the same perspective. A decision like having children is one of the most important you will make in your life.
2. How involved will the in-laws be? This might be hard to discuss, but it makes sense to talk about it up front. She may have a wonderful relationship with her in-laws before marriage, but that can certainly change after the wedding. Be sure to discuss how close you will be and live with each of your families. Many marriages become difficult simply because the in-laws get too involved. That’s why you need to make sure you’re on the same page when it comes to outside family influence.
3. Who will work? Most of the time, the man is supposed to have a job outside the home. However, some women want to work outside the home, while others want to stay at home and be homemakers or raise children. This is something to discuss and plan for before you get married. He may even want to go as far as creating a budget to see if his plans will work. If not, he’s going to have to come up with some contingency plans that you can both agree on.
4. Religion. It is important to discuss your religious beliefs with your partner early on in the relationship. This is especially true if she is going to have children because she will have to decide in which religious faith to raise them. This can become a deep source of conflict, as each couple may have very spiritual reasons for how they want to raise their children.
Answering these questions can sometimes be difficult, but it is certainly important to do so before the wedding. I would rather find out that it is not a compatible marriage than spend money, time, and emotional energy planning a wedding. Sometimes these deep-seated problems are difficult to overcome. Other times, you may be able to go through pre-marital counseling and come to a win-win agreement. Finding this out early in the process is critical to making sure you have the most successful marriage possible.
