Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and special days always add an extra sense of remembrance after a loss. I experienced the loss of my love last month. To add to that, it’s my father’s birthday, and next month will be the anniversary of his death. The two heroes of my life.

As a grievance coach, all of this put me in a “practice what I preach” place. I will share with you some tools that allowed me to reach a place of peace and fulfillment. Keep in mind that it is normal and natural to grieve after a significant loss (death, divorce, separation, relationship, job, money, etc.). Don’t skip this important step in your complaint journey. There is the other side, but the only way to navigate this desert of pain is to walk through it. Also, know that no one can tell you how to grieve because there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and no one can truly know or understand the relationship you shared with your loved one.

Here are three tools that I not only use for my complaints advice clients, but have also worked effectively for me:

1. Find an activity where you can give back. I volunteered for Thanksgiving at a nursing/rehabilitation facility and I cannot express in words the joy and satisfaction this experience gave me. I honestly felt like this is really where I was supposed to be at that moment. I watched the Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV with a 98 year old resident who didn’t want me to leave. I visited another resident who joyfully shared her healing miracle and learned that she is a neighbor of hers, thus manifesting a new friend of hers. As they both offered me endless expressions of thanks, I found myself saying thank you. I left the facility feeling like I was walking on air. Not to write off my loss, but to give myself so much gratitude for being where I was in that period of time.
2. Don’t feel obligated to do anything you don’t feel like doing.. It’s okay to say “no.” Yes, family and friends got concerned and invited me to dinner. After mulling over how to say no, I practiced what I preach and just said thanks for the invite, but I wouldn’t join them. Don’t have regrets. True family and friends will understand. Remember, they are just trying to help.
3. Write a letter. Another effective complaint activity that I recommend is writing a letter. If the loss was due to death, write your loved one a letter. End the letter with “Goodbye” and sign it. This will help if you are having trouble accepting the loss and this is preventing you from moving forward on the journey and moving on.

I cannot stress enough that the sooner you accept that your life as it was will never be the same again, the sooner you can start moving forward with your “new life.” I recommend complaints counselling, support groups or professional help if you need it. I leave you with one of my favorite phrases. “The hardest part of any journey is taking the first step, but you have to keep taking steps.”