Does everything seem hopeless? No future? Isn’t there a place to go to get the help you really need deep down? Is there anything that can make a difference in the way you feel? Regardless of the image and meaning you carry right now when you see the word hope, trust in the following: it is a sure way out of your emptiness and despair. You simply need to turn it on.

Hope is often seen as a will-o’-the-wisp, an often talked about but hardly practical factor in dealing with life’s various problems. This belief is generated by the fact that hope is poorly understood and seems to work best when it is unaware that it is behind its positive behavior.

So what can you do to create hope, keep it alive, and use it to deal with your great loss? Consider the following.

1. Begin the process of building and maintaining hope by never forgetting the following advice from William James, the eminent psychologist, teacher, and author: “The best weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” Post your citation where you will see it often. What you think is the cornerstone of hope.

2. Hope is first and always a choice. We all forget that thoughts are extremely powerful in the way they affect the mind and body. In this moment, make the decision to choose a hopeful thought. Here it is: I am beginning the process of going through the darkest night of my soul. You don’t have to know how right now, just that you intend to be moving through it. Keep telling yourself that you will prevail.

3. You can start generating hope right now by looking for connections. There isn’t a psychiatrist alive today who won’t tell you how critical it is to find connections in his life, especially in this time of loss. Go out of your way to be with the most loving people you know; they are full of hope. Go to them if they can’t come to you. Their very presence will be a hidden source of hope that on an unconscious level will help you immensely.

4. Hope has to do with possibilities. No matter what the nature of your great loss, there are always ways to deal with it and sources to turn to for the information you need. You can discover many possibilities if you find a quiet place and write them down as you examine the alternatives. You’ll find even more if you do the same with a best friend, counselor, or clergyman. The possibilities are always out there; finding them is the job of the grievance. And he is fueled by hope. Keep doing a thorough search.

5. You’ll also find hope in one of the least suspicious places: a grievance support group. It takes courage to come to a support group. Once there, you find others with similar struggles. Your hope level rises when you see them confronting their pain and winning. You’ll feel palpable hope rising when, after four or five meetings, members start asking if anyone in the group would like to go out to dinner after the meeting. A bond has been formed and hope is the hidden motivator.

6. An infinite source of hope is another connection: your awareness and belief in a power greater than self. You can call this your Higher Power, God, Allah, the Almighty, the Absolute, the Great Spirit, or the Universal Source. However you see this Power, it is an eternal connection with hope. It is there for you to turn to and ask for wisdom and strength, even if you have neglected your commitments.

This Power is always with you, in the darkest of nights, and especially if your spiritual progress has been slow. It can also manifest in a vision, a sense of divine presence, or an extraordinary experience involving your deceased loved one.

Hope requires practice if it is to bear fruit in times of great need. Therefore, you need to take action and reach out to connect whenever you feel hopelessness creeping into your life, especially in this difficult time of loss. And then make the search for hope come full circle. Review each day how you are progressing in loving, serving, being kind, and strengthening connections with your social network. All of this will instill hope in your life as you deal with your loss.